Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
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