What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
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