Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
To get to the other tide.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
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