What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
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