In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
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