Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
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