Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
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