What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
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