My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.