When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
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