If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
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