2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
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