Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
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