Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
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