I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
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