I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
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