My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
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