Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
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