Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
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