I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
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