Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
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