Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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