I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
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