I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
The huddle is real
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
All punts are highly intended
Calm before the score
Football is one habit I will never kick
I like your tight end
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
We’re calling your number.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
The calm before the score
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
I feel tail great!
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!