Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
We’ll have a ball.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Football is one habit I will never kick
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
The huddle is real
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Give me some pigskin
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I feel tail great!
I like your tight end
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
We’re calling your number.
Having a ball
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!