Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
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