Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.