Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
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