Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
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