How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.