Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"