What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."