Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.