How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.