How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
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