My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
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