Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
Case in punt
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Did you know that old bowlers do not die? They simply end up in gutters.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
Summer is just floating by.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
The only time a basketball team can chase a baseball team is five after nine.
Get in the swim this summer.
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Why did the college football team stop smoking
They lost all their matches.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
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