Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
Before they go out to a basketball game, all cheerleaders down several bottles of root beer.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
Which cool rapper recreates at Aspen Snomass?
Ice Ski.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know what I have in common with this new powder? 8 inches.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
What can you serve and never eat? A volleyball!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run—can we take the elevator?
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
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