What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What do we call the basketball team that won the donuts championships? – dunkin donuts.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What did one hillbilly say to another? I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Bowlers do not make good employees. This is because for 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
We’re calling your number.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
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