Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
By the seat of one’s punt
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Though it sounds mean, a bad soccer team is much like an old bra. It has no cups and minimal support.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Here’s more proof that I’ve gone off the deep end.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
Football pitches are almost always so wet. This is because soccer players dribble a lot.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
We’ll have a ball.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
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