How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
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