What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
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