I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
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