What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
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