What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
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