Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
Why did the skeletons stay out of the forest?
Because sticks and stones will break their bones.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What did Frankenstein say when he was struck by lightning?
Great! A jolt to the bolt!
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
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