What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What online search engine do spooky monsters use?
Ghoulghoul.
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
What do ghosts use to keep their hair in place? Scare-spray!
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do ghouls say to each other before heading out for Halloween?
May the ghouls be with you!
These sea monster jokes are so funny.
They had me kraken!
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
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