What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
- Will you marrow me?
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
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