What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive? - Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night? All they hear is groans.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets? Spill the zombeans.
Why can't the zombie get a job? They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie take a sick day? She had cold symp-tombs.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road? He had lost his guts.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town? There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a row of zombies? A deadline.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari? A zoombie.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner? Grave-y.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit? He had no leg to stand on!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part Second hand.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb? Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce? - Give me your heads!!
What advice would you hear from a zombie? - Never put your eggs into one casket.
I walked past Mozart's grave. He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music. I guess he's a decomposer now.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather? Brainstorms.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead? A zom-beagle.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner? The cold shoulder.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up. She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He was dead lifting.
How are zombies like computers? They use mega-bites!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police? It was facing grave consequences.
What do zombie actors do before they perform? They re-hearse.
What crosswords do zombies like? Crypt-ic ones.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear? Mas-scare-a.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club? It's dead in that place.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor? Because of his coffin.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions. They're horror-scopes.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire. "People are dying to get in."
Why did the zombie stop teaching? He only had one pupil!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage? Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee? - Don’t miss the undeadline!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like? Monster mash.
What does a heartbroken zombie say? - I just want zombodie to love.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!! Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!! Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!! Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!! Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!! Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a one-inch zombie? Tomb thumb!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind. She said it was yummy.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts? - I chew-s you.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car? - I’m green with envy!
What money do zombies use? Crypt-o-currency.
What do vegetarian zombies say? Graaaiiinnss!
Why don't zombies eat comedians? They taste funny.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse? - It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays? The Dead Sea.
When do zombies go to sleep? When they are dead tired.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind? A de-Bach-le.
Why was the zombie so grumpy? He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.