Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.