What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.