What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
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