The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
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