Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
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