Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
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