Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
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