What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.