Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
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