What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
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