For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
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