Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
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