Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone