How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
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