No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
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