A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Go to BabaMail
