Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Go to BabaMail
