During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
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