What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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