A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
To get to the other tide.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
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