When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
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