When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Go to BabaMail
