Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
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