In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.