I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Go to BabaMail
