Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
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