What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Go to BabaMail
