What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
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