Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
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