What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
To get to the other tide.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
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