4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
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