What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
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