Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
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