When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
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