Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
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