Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
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