Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
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