What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
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