Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
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