What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
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