Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
To get to the other tide.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
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