Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
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