Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
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